I just don’t get it. Do you? Here’s the situation: My wife practices food-separation dieting (invented by Dr. Hay). She started two weeks ago. Of course, like a loving husband, I wanted to give her my full support. But that went all wrong: On the first evening of our diet program, as Martha was preparing supper in the kitchen, I stepped out of the house.

My plan was to go into town and order my favorite Thai meal (number 11, vegetarian, spicy, without MSG or additives). I did just that and got back without Martha noticing a thing. I headed straight upstairs to our balcony and began savoring my oriental dish. Mmmh, delicious! Suddenly Martha stormed up the stairs and glared menacingly at me. “I have been looking for you all evening!” she shouted. Our supper had been ready for hours, she claimed. I could not calm her down. She wanted to know if I had lost all my marbles – why was I hiding on the balcony and eating a take-out meal all by myself? “But darling,” I said, “you wanted to try the separation diet, and that means we each eat separately, right?” Martha just shook her head and walked away silently. Do you understand that?